breathing in for august

I feel alive just by breathing in and out. This july has made me feel alive.

Hey, little birds!

How have you been feeling?

Sorry for the long term of break of not writing. I’m just trying to pick as much inspiration as i can. Whether by musics or books or my surroundings but i will try my best on writing for today’s content.

I’ve been feeling to write out more fact contents or maybe that would give people knowledge but i don’t have any ideas on that. My purpose is to just let out my feelings on here but as i’ve been scrolling and observing what people wrote, i don’t think that my blogposts are like that.

Maybe a piece of my heart has been so stiffed.

Actually, i’m writing this while listening to taylor swift’s folklore since all of her new songs are just meant to be as peaceful as i wanted especially epiphany.

mon Dieu! Her songs, they just reminded me of when i was in the car heading to somewhere that i don’t know but just hitting on the road. It’s full of forest and it reminisced me of my past, when i was in primary school with my friend. she’s been rocking to taylor swift’s songs ever since. and that time we were very passionate. no i think i’m just supporting her but i love it bcs her songs are all hit!

Sooo for today’s content, it would be about my feelings that i’ve been feeling since. and i think people would not even read it. why? bcs i don’t even expect anything. ahaha sorry

To tell you the truth, i would never believe myself to be reading lots of books and this month is just speechless. I’ve read for about 5 books online and still now, i can’t stop reading them. I’m addicted to it. Oh God.

I still remembered that one time i told to my friend that i would never be reading bcs i don’t find any mood and why would i ? I feel it’s not worth to read. You can just fiddle with your phone or clean your house. But after that, i don’t know what got into me. I started to read one book that day and what really shook me was i just gave the soul and heart to the book. I finished it almost i can say overnight. It’s crazy!

and what might be more crazy other than that is i read continously without stopping. How ridiculous is that! Until now, i think it’s almost 6 books that i’m currently reading via online. why not right? It’s free!

To be exact, i’m thinking on to write a book review since i’m reading a lot but i don’t think that i would want that. i don’t really have such attractive words to tell or to promote to you guys but all i could say that if you find one, just freaking read that book. and that’s all i do.

Enough of that! As for this time, I didn’t particularly expect July would be extraordinary other than other months but here i am writing again as last time. I’m sorry for the people that will read this. It’s kind of nonsense ranting but i like that.

As time really flies by, i realized next month will be really new and i am getting a new me, InsyaAllah. I will go into my new school or should i say college? Bcs i’m going to stay and study what my future holds for me and i’m freaking excited about it!

Lots of things have happened in the meantime and i have mixed feelings when it comes to staying in hostel or getting new environments. It rattled the world out of me! Actually, what had happened on last March still unbelievable to me. I was not expecting it because i knew that i didn’t prepare and work my best out but all i could say after receiving that piece of paper, it bulged my eyes even more!


With all that said, “breathing in for august” is actually making me feel sad but i know that in a time ahead, it will happen something that i don’t predict. Something good. Amazing. Breath out in July and i wanna make anew life in August!

So, i think this is how our fate ended for this July, right?

Till next time, loves ❤

Dea, esse.


A look back in June…

Oh god! I accidentally deleted my post while writing on it.😭

Before i jump right into it,

Hi little birds! 🕊

How have you been?

So, i just wanna have a look back on what i’ve been doing in June and i realised that i didn’t write anything for two months ( idk if it’s the exact time that i left hihi). However, since i’ve already stated my blog would be my second journal after expressing in my mind and heart, i still can’t follow my life and write it out.

How can you guys do it?

And now things have been really hard. These days, I can’t seem to appreciate much in my life. I found so many signs ‘dropship wanted’ but i just ignored it (it’s because i knew that one will seek for deposit before entering so i just closed my eyes) 🙈 but i also found some FREE works that doesn’t request me anything yet i rejected it after registering. How mean of me! haha

With that being said, i thought to myself that i probably don’t like promoting other stuffs and never in my life going into marketing field because you were bound to meet lots of people and THATS NOT FOR ME. But, i once dreamt of opening a cafe and yet i have to promote my shop in order to get customers and i fingers cross at that time i don’t leave it to someone else to handle it. xx

Well, i might say June has been the craziest month well in particular i don’t recall what was happening back then. It’s not a fun-packed day but just, i did something during those days. So, i will try to find any traces that’s been left on my phone in June just to show you guys.

Actually, can i conclude with the end of May too? 😬

So, it’s Syawwal! It’s where every Muslims should celebrate their days after fasting for a whole month. 🌸

I tried to take pic as much as i could and this is all i got ✌🏻

I was donning my ibu’s dress and guess what this dress i think when i was in secondary school, it doesn’t fit me and now it’s perfect! 😍

During that day, we still got to visit my grandparent’s house and we enjoyed ourselves with talking and also sharing our concerns plus thoughts that’ve been going on with our life.

Although it was a limited time for us to visit our relatives but surely we were pleased that we can still eat rendang, ketupat, kuih raya and lot more!

( And this is also the starting point where i naturally gained my weight and i’ve seen a lot of blog posting about how they accept their shape right now during this pandemic and i began to scared… i got lots of saying that i gained weight, my chubby cheeks are almost exposing… i began to think lots of sensitive things right now T_T )

K… enough of that

It was great spending time with family apart we can’t really feel the freedom like old times but I am really appreciating those tiny times. ^_^

In order to get updated, i wanted to go out more and strolling was the best thing after the end of this MCO phase.

Ahhhhh, soo nice to see you! It soothed my eyes ❤️
Can you see the birds flew around the paddy field?

It was so nice going out after lots of complications been surrounded lately and it was just like i was freed from the cage like those birds.

look at the sky, it was soo beautiful! 😍 and the bird flying above the paddy…

At that moment, i was so hypnotised by it! It took me for a while to regain my consciousness.

I’ve been thinking lots lately. I don’t know if what i’m doing right now is good for me or not because i didn’t tell my parents on what’s been going around. I registered lots of webinar (actually it’s only two) just to quench my boredom. I wanted to know more about UK and Manchester especially. How to survive there, how am i suppose to go there and study and more!

If some of you read this and know about some tips on how can foreign students survive while studying in UK specifically, please let me know?☺️


Another day has been filled up in June 😇

I had to renew my IC so that i have a fresh new life along with my new age.

Gladly, we reached there early but we still had to queue up too! I went to renew my card with my friend, Leesya. Lucky for me that she knew how to drive a car and she’s been so nice to ask me to accompany her wherever she go. And i’m the one who’s very pleased to hear that 😅 bcs i like going out a lot. Maybe just to see the road or nature after being segregated at home for too long. I craved to see outside!

Is it too long with my sum-up in June?

Well i wanted to share more with you guys but i think that’s enough for now…

I’m so exhausted from typing this for too long non-stop. haha .. i think i need to focus on another thing too.

So i think that’s it!

Till next time, loves 💕

dea, esse.

A Therapeutic Day Of My Life 🌳

From the title itself, it can be very sentimental to me because i don’t really know how to set this journaling straight. I kinda feel lots of emotion right now, feeling depressed but i’m also going to straighten my life back. Find joy and get kick out of something.

If you don’t have one day or time to cure your mind and body, it will literally damage your life. So, i thought to myself that i have to give a little space and go outside for a while and yeah i’m happy that recently, it’s raining. It knew how my feelings were going and it really warmed me. Everyone needs some of those in these days, right? Comfort. Yeah

So, this had been recorded since last week and I tried as hard as I could to live in those moments. I love being surrounded with nature, feel the breeziness of wind and catch a deep breath into the air. That is how i find peace in me for a moment.

Yet much spending time at home makes me even more crazier and i can’t think straight, lack of words to say and it’s terrible. So, i have to participate in my days as normal and even more abnormal just to refresh everything and empty the messy mind.

i read a book

By that, I read and since I can’t go out and buy books so, I bought free kindle books from Amazon. yeah actually i’m broke. Though, at least I read and find something worth.

So, I am currently reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. This book will literally take much time from me because I’m so slow plus this book is so classic and I don’t usually practice to read so often at the moment. So, I kind of feel like a burden however I like it when it fulfils my day with romantic, comedy, mystery and also a thriller.

Before that, what i’m going to share it with you is when I once read this book but I can’t seem to remember the name and it genuinely caught my eye and brain to be stuck at these words.

-“Most communities just happen; the best are planned”: the underlying philosophy being that everything could and should be planned out and that by doing so you could avoid the unseemly, the unpleasant, and the disastrous.-

i make a drink

As you know, I certainly head over heels with coffee plus if you put milk, it’s very creamy and it’s not even bitter yet you can taste it as you buy yourself a cup. and I find myself over the moon with coffee a lot since my grandpa was one of the coffee lovers and he liked it very much well most elders like too. and I think I was swayed by him. Ah, I miss him sm!

This is probably the most healing time where I always find coffee whenever I feel like I’m too much drowned and thirst to feel the bitterness and also it gain my subconscious mind.

I improvised a lot since I’m a coffee drinker and I don’t tend to just like one type of things. This is only what i regularly do in my daily life if i don’t have any 3in1 coffee or maybe i wanna taste it differently.

So, this is how i do it. It’s very simple and you only need

  • cup
  • ice cube
  • a cup of milk
  • one and a half teaspoon of instant coffee powder ( not 3in1 )

What you need to do:

  1. Put a lot of ice cube in your cup
  2. Toss out your one and a half coffee powder in another cup as to boil first
  3. After boiling your coffee, pour down into your real cup which you put your ice cube in it.
  4. Then, pour a cup of milk into that cup and mix it together.

Lastly, voila! You are great! Simple, isn’it? Well if you can still taste the bittery then just add up your milk. Easy as a pie!

i spend w my fam

Most of the time i spent with my lil sister. She loves to play, jog around the house and since this month is a firework trendy thing. So, she fervently asked me to play it with her.

We giggle, run, and find ourselves silence for a moment and it’s peaceful.

and I can also feel the night air delicately flowing through me plus no one was around and the sky was very beautiful to stargaze. Happily, I can spend how I wanted to.

i find peace in nature

Well, i got the chance to go out for a while, went to my grandma’s house, played with the baby, breathed in the air and so many on.

This is a video but i am not a premium membership so i probably cannot put this whole thing in here. If you want to check out my short video you can go to my instagram and also twitter.

I tend to always photograph everything whilst breathing in the air and watch the greatness creation. It’s so surreal and you can easily find peace and relax.

So, this it it!

I’m sorry that I don’t take my promise seriously as last time I said that I’m going to journal every single thing but I think I don’t have enough time and it’s very hard to compile things in my mind.

Generally, I know this is somewhat not going to stay long and i have to find another healing. But you know, everyone has to take their edge off to be freedom at least once. Get away from problem and even world. Just stop for a sec from this modern technology and trends. I knew this is gonna be hard but trust me. Just for a while. Spend your big life into something that will find you serenity.

Surprisingly! We’ve come to an end and if you have your own therapeutic way, just share it with me. I’d love to hear it from you. 🌎💐

Peace out!

Thanks for reading xoxo

Dea, esse.

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You Can Still Enjoy When You Are Bored ☺️


So, today, i think i’ve got an idea on how that i can make my life as normal as before. But before that, i just wanna tell you guys that i spend creating this content only for a moment. It just came out like you know when you see in the movies ‘ a lightbulb idea’.

Basically, i just want to spend my day to create something that i’ve never done yet and so i said to myself, i have to read a book. Any kind of book that can make my writing be as attractive as others. Before getting into that, last week, i thought to myself ahha i wanna read a book but i forgot that i already sold everything. Lol, only Malay novels left in my bookshelf.

Then, scrolling down on my social media,find something useful to read and i downloaded Kindle. It’s best for people like me who doesn’t have any books to read. I go through of it and search for a couple of ideas but i ended up listening to Tate Mcrae in repeat. Can’t take my mind off with her songs and her melody. It struck my feelings. Especially, all my friends are fake and tear myself apart. Actually i listen to every of her songs, countless to put here.

So, when i got something to write in just speed of a race car. I don’t really hope for myself that this can be as interesting but you know when you just have the intention to write and share to everyone. You just gotta do it!

As you know, part of May is still a fasting month so i think it’s really important for Muslim to stay active as before but still we are stuck at home. So what i had in mind are maybe can only entertain myself and i’m sorry if it doesn’t work for you. >3

So, let’s get into it.

May ( what-to-do )

Find inspirational topics to write

( Okay, just to tell you that this is not a day in a day activity but just what i’m going to do in my days, well if it’s too boring lol )


Make a Mug of Banana Bread

Sooo, i’ve never done this before and i have to try it for myself first before doing in a huge portion. This one i saw lots of people were into that and cannot live a day without eating that. So, why not i try and taste like how they said ?

Make another Dalgona Whipped Coffee

I’ve already done this bullet but i still wanna try again. I’m craving for it and the last time i didn’t make it perfectly cause i still taste the insoluble sugar. So, it’s FAILED. and i got diarrhea bcs of it.

Write and speak to feelings every 1730

I’m still learning to write and getting into as much idea as i could to create content. But, I wanna avoid getting involved in writing short story but at the end maybe i have to do that. But maybe later. So, i want to focus on my thoughts. and maybe lifestyle too. like right now.

Help Mother in the kitchen ( lol )

Well, this one maybe i have to help my mother even a lot than before although not that much. But i will try to get myself in the kitchen and find what i can help. sorry 💖

Sleep early before 0000 ( that’s really important )

I need to keep myself together and let’s forget about the world for a second. It’s been months since i didn’t sleep like back in sec. sch. I’m missing those moments. ^.^

Study about something at noon or evening will do ( finance, english, )

I’m still students and so i need to maintain my brain to fully generate everything. I learn whenever i find it interesting and so both subject could be my fav maybe. I recommend Khan Academy could be an ideal app to learn without books.

Organise bedroom ( get more sunlight in )

Once a store but still it can’t keep long to diffuse fragrant and yeah. Need to reorganise back and see what i could do with it.

Focus on imagination

– buy a study table plus a chair that has a roll with

– buy some flowers ( for room decor )

– buy bookshelf ( not the one that hang but real )

– toss out everything unwanted from my bedroom

Stay hygiene and hydrated

As i’m not drinking water too much lately, so i need to improve that. Also, for us who always stays at home and didn’t move an inch to do some exercises or any kind of workout. I suggest to take a walk around your house plus if your house is big as palace then you have no excuses. Just do something.

I think that’s it. Yeah

This is just my opinion on what i wanna do and share with you guys as i am very concerned about myself for not being too productive. No hate, all love. 😉

I hope you also got something to do realistic in May and if you does, share it with me!

So, I will get up to date with you guys later when i have mood. Also, IF i got time, i will make some journaling about that one by one or maybe if it’s still stuck in my head.

Thanks for reading xoxo

D, esse.

Pretty Basic : How Do I Pull It Off ? 🤷🏻‍♀️

it’s time to share …

Have I ever told you of how I end up being loved too much for English? As you know or may not know, I was pretty doomed when it comes to English but somehow it turns out better and particularly in writing because I’m not very great in spoken English but the writings of mine occasionally are so pretty streets ahead ( not trying to be so haughty but never ) when I start to cheer up again and bring all myself into it all at once.

What did i do to deserve this :

  1. Live in your life and get wild about.

It is wordless to say because if you got devoured to learn and do what you love, you don’t have to give a reason to verify it. Overwhelm it like it’s the end of your rope and the only thing that could give you praise for your own self. I thought about passions countless of times cause I also got unnumbered affection for everything. If you got the passion, be grateful for it. I am so lucky to be given the chance to get all of these feelings and get to face it as much as I pleased. Not as many people have the same option as you. So, the thing is whether you want it or not? Don’t oppress yourself, k.

  1. Be free-minded and absorb it.

Start over your life. Turn on the power back. Take a deep breath and slowly thinking again why you need and should learn that. English is just a language not a measure to my intellectual and if you can really absorb it quickly then it’s your merit! Never put distressed out of your lifetime. I only learn just to know how am I going to speak to other people if I were there where none of our mother’s tongue is reachable. How am I going to survive that if I don’t give myself some responsibilities to it? No matter what, I have to learn as much as I could to get adapt with it! Isn’t it a great pleasure to feel like you are the wordsmith?

  1. Do piece by piece for certain things.

I always teach myself to learn new things and by the right way to learn is to take my mind to a new level. This is a new language and this has nothing to do with my primary language. I am always taught by myself to learn new words with pictures and by that, I feel that my every day is like it’s a brand new day. How I enhance my new words in each time is by going to Google and if you know all kind of basic words like realise, look, do, run, go and so many on, you are probably bound to make yourself easier to learn it quickly. 🤩 I often search for the other words from what I know to synonym and etc. If you want to search for meaning, don’t go straight up to Google Translator cause it will limit your new words.

  1. Put a value to it and end it.

Never really put yourself in a hard situation where you think you can’t learn it, by any means, no! If you still got your passion in it go ahead and put the 2. list as your completeness. What i do to make my new language to be apart of my life is by over and over again talking to myself and sometimes strangers too. To be frank, my inner thoughts is really taking over my mind and thus it leads me to be so often speaking and reacting only to inner speech and that is sometimes becoming extremely handy to me especially in learning English. Meanwhile, talking to strangers can really heat me up because you might feel afraid to pronounce things that you want to say in detail. Terrific of the mistakes that would put you left hanging after that. The pressure with who do you talk to can be vary depending on how much you put your efforts into it. But that’s how I survived.

I believe that if i can do it and why can’t you? You deserve the world!

Soo, I hope you find something worth for yourself. ☺️


This action is definitely not that great and it may not be the same as to everyone determining your personality and how you study too.

D, esse.

I start out a blog! 🙋🏻‍♀️

Hi, little birds! 🕊

Well, basically when I give a thought about to open this blogging stuff is a bit hard for me to try to maintain and journal my life. I would say that I’m having a deeply sceptical, I had never done this before and why should I? This had nothing to give back to me. I should have just stayed and do what I regularly do. At second thought, I think I’m going to have fun in my life cause why not? I’m at the age that I can do very well in anything and create as colourful as I want and for once and all it’s for my memories as I want to look back on as the years went by.

So, I am really going to do it this time. I know for a second that I am not well-centred enough in English because I don’t really live myself with English ever since birth. I feel like a foul git but I try to embrace that as not all humans are born as perfect as it is. Ever since then, I try to learn new things that will suit my life and passion that I’m really hoping forward. For me, journaling is about you create a bit of pleasure and sometimes you might want to create boredom out of your life. It is fun!

I know lots of people have been questioning that not so many people can write in English and even understand but it’s worth your fortune if you try it out. I am also too busy to write all of this and I never have anything to tell but I try! And try! No matter what, although writing is not for you or you have nothing to say about your life but here it is, generates liveliness to your life. Try as hard as you can and be swamped by it! It’s also not only for writing but it’s about what you do in your life.

I also put myself in an impenetrable situation where once I gave up too easily and never find myself out. I think when I found out that I could use that time to write all about my feelings and give it a shot to take down my humble writings I guess and I feel blessed. However, I’ll try to improve my writing to be less indifferent in here and is such a great and cool idea lol

As you can see, you prolly might want to know or you just came to know about me when you read this, I extremely fond of the words “ little birds “ recently as you may have read on the first line. It is kind of cheeky but I love it and so there you go, bear it with me. It is also actually because of the birds as we are sometimes having trouble and might want to get away from it and what we do is fly away from the calamity like all little birds. I think we all have fantasies or make-believe that we find ourselves in it too. It’s a great definition of that. It might as well be as my label for this blog and an official greeting from me.

To be over with, I just want to have fun using this space and use all of my creativity and let it all out here. So, I hope that you guys have fun reading and give each other pat. 💖💖💖

       And yeahh I think that’s all. Well, it’s kind of a long story but is it okay? 😅 

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